So glad we got over our tension through sex. I feel so relaxed now. 

***********************************

We could recognize our faults
We could admit when we’re wrong
We could try to talk things out
Instead of yelling from the wells of our lungs
But we don’t
But we don’t

We could try and patch things up
Siphon out the bad blood
We could set our pride aside
Ignore our egos for the night
And make love
But we won’t
But we won’t
But we won’t
We won’t

We insist we’ll be all right
These wounds will heal themselves with time
All we have to do
Is stick it through a few more months
And we’ll be fine
But we know
But we know
But we know
We know

You could finally tell me off
But I got a feeling you won’t
You keep lying to yourself
But the truth is you’re afraid of letting go
So let go
So let go
Let go

The Good Life

I sit in bed, post bong rip, with The Velvet Underground and Nico playing in the background as I make a mental list of what constitutes being a successful adult. 

A full-time job?…. with benefits? 

A 401k? 

A credit score of 670 or above? 

Nice car, nice pad, nice gadgets?

A traveler? 

Someone that actually works in the field they studied in college? 

Married, with children? Nah. 

Upper tax brackets? 

I know, someone that doesn’t have time to sit, and ponder, and doesn’t like to get high, and probably hates art, especially the kind that just looks like globs of paint? 

Because, I’m none of those things. I mean, I have a full time job, with benefits that are decent. But, I’m underpaid and my medical deductible is $150.00, which is a lot for someone that makes under $12.00/hr. And, yes, I just bought a really nice car, but a month ago I was driving a 2005 Nissan Sentra with a fucked up back bumper that seemed as if though I drove a giant crushed Pepsi can. And, I haven’t even made the first payment, so I’m not really sure how I’m going to react to this change in budget. But, I mean, how do you measure success? Is it a balance of everything on my list? Or is it staying true to who you are and your childhood dreams? Is it measured with merit, or does it increase through numerical increments? 

I don’t know. I just hope that one day I’ll be able to double my c’s and s’s and experience success.

Car shopping is soul crushing. I hated every minute of it. I walked out of 3 dealerships and I was ready to walk away from the 4th when we couldn’t agree on a structure for a 2010 Yaris. And then, I was given a deal I couldn’t refuse. A 2010 ,pearl white, Jetta priced lower than the KBB, with payments lower than my maximum budget, with a warranty included, and a few extras. I’m excited, it even has seat warmers!